On perfection (Part two)

More things that dominate:

The Vans slip-on shoe

The classically underestimated shoe - do not judge it because it doesn't have laces, like you would some unfortunate high school kid who doesn't have a BlackBerry (don't worry buddy, I'm 26 and I still have the cell phone that I kicked eighty feet down my driveway and dropped into a ten-gallon bucket of water from a height of five feet - these were all accidents, by the way). It is versatile footwear at its best. First of all, you can be lazy without those pesky laces (just make sure you get the right size, moreso now than ever); secondly, they can go with anything except dress pants; third, they are deceptively comfortable and not awful for extended periods of walking; finally, they are timeless and probably won't go out of style. Also, they're not fucking $400.

The small rock-club

For anyone who's been to see a great show at a relatively small venue (we're talking fewer than 1,000 at a minimum), how do you ever enjoy those ginormous concert/spectacles at places like MSG or other overgrown sports multiplexes with names like Verizon Wireless PNGC Arena Complex? Especially since tickets to those "events" run closer to $70 than $7. Sure, you might not get to see bands like Guns n' Roses or the Police (they're together and touring again, so that you can watch them from 800 feet away with a whole bunch of 40-somethings singing along to "De do do do, de da da da" - color me excited), but most of the time these groups simply retread old studio staples to the note, and offer little genuine excitement beyond what might be generated by a randomized iPod playlist. Seeing a relatively young band or solo musician from up close, in a far more intimate setting, with people who are usually genuine music fans, is another experience altogether. Also, you're not supposed to sit at a rock show - it's just not cool, unless you're seeing Sigur Ros. For a few hours, you can really disappear with the songs, the energy, and even the good beer that's always on hand (I stick to Newcastle or Red Stripe). It's one of those rare instances when you can truly ignore everything else about your daily fumblings. I haven't had the most productive of weeks, for several reasons, but a couple hours with the Thermals last night (at Studio B in Greenpoint, which is a great new find) slapped me across the face in a "thanks, I needed that," smile-inducing kind of way. Luckily, I wasn't stupid enough to try the late-evening crowd-surfing that some idiots attempted (there were some nasty spills - even Hutch, who's prone to exhibitionism, started laughing/wincing).

The escalator

I can't take credit for this one - the late, great Mitch Hedberg did the work for me: "I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an 'Escalator Temporarily Out of Order' sign, only 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience'." A genius invention is one that still serves a purpose when broken, and that's a rare occurrence. If a car breaks down, for example, it just becomes a really expensive outdoor couch. On a side note, this joke came in handy once when I was in the Smith-9th Street subway station in Brooklyn. There are two sets of down escalators when you get off the train, and one was just "stairs" at the time. The functional set was crowded, so in a rare and inspired moment of anti-sloth, I opted to walk. Just as I came beside a hip-looking Brooklynite and his very attractive girlfriend (I assume it was anyway), I heard him start, "An escalator can never break," at which point I looked right and, without the slightest break in my stride, finished his sentence for him. I stole the laugh from his girlfriend from under him, though he took it pretty well, and only (probably because he was a little stunned, and I don't blame him for that) asked "Who said it?" Quickly flashing a knowing smile as I turned my head back, I gave him the right answer. Still walking down the broken escalator, all I heard was the girl's somewhat giddy "Wow."