On perfection (Part one)

Completely and unabashedly inspired by this, here's a take on things that are without flaw.

The avocado

I could go on about tasty foods in general, but the avocado laughs at most other comestibles. Let's go over the wonderfulness: it can go with anything, potentially even peanut butter; it instantly makes any sandwich/wrap/burrito a "California" sandwich/wrap/burrito, which of course is just like being at the beach; it's full of fat, but don't worry since it's the "good kind"; it's pretty cheap; it can be eaten right off the skin; the French word for "avocado" also means "lawyer," which allows you to tell lawyer jokes in French in front of them and then say you were just talking about the delicious green fruit, not them. Most importantly though, it is the primary ingredient in guacamole, which can instantly turn a party from "this is awful," to "hey, at least now I can hang out and eat all their guacamole to make up for the throwing of a shitty party." On a side note, people need to stop calling it "guac." You don't call it an "avo," do you? Idiots.

The "Not only am I perfect, I'm Irish too!" t-shirt

Just for the record, I have nothing against Irish people. In fact, the one true Irish guy I ever got to know was a great dude. He was a little quiet, but had a sharp wit and was always in a good mood. What humors me (and Irishman P., as I found out) is the American of (sometimes dubious) Irish origin, who a) speaks not a word of Irish, b) has never set foot on the Emerald Isle, or has only been there briefly on a hazy Guinness-fueled vacation, and (somehow) c) loves his "Irishness," gets drunkenly belligerent about said "fact" if you probe him (it's usually males), and generally has a full-blown obsession with the thin ties to Eire. Consequently, I love the idiocy that is this t-shirt (and its cheeky "perfect" tie-in to the theme of this post). The best part is the contradictory logic that seems to escape most wearers. If a perfect individual is a defined thing (and by rule it must be, no?), then wouldn't Irishness be implied in "being perfect"? Only if being Irish and being perfect are disparate things would you need to make such a statement, but then of course, that would mean you're not perfect anymore, wouldn't it? It's like saying, "Hey, not only am I smart, but I'm also really bad at math!" I tried explaining this to someone who has a bumper sticker with the same phrase. I don't think he got it. So, if you ever doubted that God occasionally punishes dumb people...