Philadelphians have a 100% error rate when asked for directions. How do you people find your way home every night?
Don't taunt people in the hotel elevator if they tell you they're in town for a boat convention. They take their boating very seriously.
Some Vietnamese food is really just Mexican food without the tortillas and guacamole.
If four guys are having dinner together, ordering "couple" drinks, such as the Flaming Volcano does not look good to eavesdropping eyes.
My friend B. will probably tell the same embellished high school stories to embarass all of us well into his seventies. And he'll still get exceedingly bitter when we bring up ones about him.
Also, B. tried to convince us, with a straight face, that he is "a force in the bedroom." All kinds of terrible imagery there.
Apparently, the slower you run, the more tired you get. "You're all fucking idiots" was the part that really convinced me.
K. still gets it the worst.
K. and his girlfriend R. have a puggle that might be homophobic. It's probably a little hypocritical that I find that trait to be juvenile in people but hilarious in dogs.
J. has sensitive teeth. He has a terrible fear of his roommate, B., discovering his blog. Also, why does no one remember any embarassing high school stories about him? I will work on this.
My brother has absolutely no communication skills.
I'm really good at the SNL announcer voice (personal highlight: "...with musical guests... C and C Music Factory!"). Ok, so I have a terrible sense of humor. Whatever. It comes in handy when ordering drinks.
My friends will never rest until they find this 8x10 glossy photo given to me by a girl I briefly dated in high school. It is hilarious, and no, they will never see it again.
Some waitresses will complain about the tip they've received, especially after the tippers in question just drank something like fifteen pitchers of PBR (though in our defense, we forgot about the gift certificate, which reduced the bill, and therefore the tip).
Talking shit to girls while playing quarters with them is way more fun than trying to hit on them. Especially if they're not attractive.
Philadelphia is creeping up my "favorite US cities" list, since a man lying on top of a manhole cover in the middle of a busy sidewalk elicits complete indifference. It's like New York's teenage brother, but without Yankee fans.
You have to love any place that's home to Rocky and goes by "The City of Brotherly Love".
ReplyDeleteAlso, the old Vet had a jail cell in it. WHAT??? That's the closest the US can come to a South American soccer culture.
Yea sensitive teeth when I face plant my face directly into the wood panel at the end of your cot. How did that happen? It's still sore now. There are no embarrassing stories about me. I will make you drink yourself into oblivion to forget whatever it was I did. Why do you think I always try and get you drunk? "With real cherries!"
ReplyDeleteThanks B, if the other B reads your blog, which he doesn't, I think he will figure it out.
J, I think you're safe. He's not the type to read. And Driz, I'm pretty sure one of our old roommates nearly ended up in that jail cell not too long ago.
ReplyDeleteWhy does K still get it the worst?
ReplyDeleteHere's an embarassing story about the other J in high school: He used to yell "gummy bear!" in German class in a four year old girl's voice. Then he'd rip off the bears' heads and mix and match the different head colors with the different decapitated body colors.
K "getting it the worst" is a reference to the summer after freshman year in college, when he came back and told us baseball stories - how the team picked on each other, but he "got it the worst," since they called him "Ben K." The other B. has told this story about 3495730425 times, each time exaggerating it more, so that I'm not sure it ever really happened. It's amusing to watch the two go at it though.
ReplyDeleteAnd the "embarassing" gummi bear story is not embarassing - it's hilarious, and typical J for you.
Basically other "J" you have once again proved my awesomeness. It knows no bounds. I'm hammered.
ReplyDelete